Conquering Difficult Conversations: Your Roadmap to Success
Picture yourself on a project team tasked with tackling a pressing business issue that directly affects customers. You've invested substantial effort, uncovering the root cause of the problem and contributing to several potential solutions. The team agrees on a presentation strategy, but during the crucial pitch, one of your colleagues takes sole credit for discovering the issue's root cause, neglecting to acknowledge your significant role. You feel the frustration and disappointment as your hard work goes unnoticed. In moments like these, there is an imperative need for a difficult conversation.
If there is one piece of advice I have given over and over again as an HR professional, it’s how to prepare for having a tough conversation. Dealing with conflict head-on doesn’t come naturally to everyone. In fact, the easiest thing to do is stick our heads in the sand, act as if nothing happened, and hope that we can get over the situation quickly.
However, sticking our heads in the sand only keeps our frustrations on the surface, almost guaranteeing the issue will arise again. If we have any hope of preventing the same issue from happening again or happening to someone else, we must face the conflict head-on.
Here’s my consistent advice: Address your concerns directly, and don’t allow them to fester. Approach the conversation with professionalism, directness, and positive intent, aiming for a favorable outcome. Summarized below are the steps I encourage you to consider:
Step 1: Always write it out. Writing out your thoughts in an unfiltered manner can often release any pent-up frustrations. This first draft may not contain constructive comments but should help you process your internal conflicts.
Step 2: Read it aloud. Read what you just wrote aloud as if you were talking to the person you need to confront. Doing this will help you see what parts feel constructive and what parts may be rife with emotion.
Step 3: Edit to stay constructive and concise. Go back through what you have written and scale it down to the key points you want to communicate. Focus on facts and how the conflict is impacting your work or your working relationship. Recommend solutions. Do all this with the idea in mind that you will have only 60 seconds to communicate your thoughts before the other person begins formulating their response. Consider putting your thoughts in bullet form, so they will be easy to refer to in your conversation.
Step 4: Read it aloud again. Reread your edited thoughts while timing yourself with the aim of delivering your message in 60 seconds. Do you feel as if your key concerns have been captured? Does it feel constructive? How would you feel if someone approached you with this same message? Does it recommend a path forward? Is it professional? Does it open the door for dialogue?
Step 5: Have a conversation. Now that you have prepared for having the tough conversation, it’s time to have it. Schedule a Zoom call or in-person meeting, whichever is more appropriate for your working relationship and your work setting. It’s ok to let the person know right up front in the meeting that you have a difficult topic to discuss and hope that they will be open to hearing your thoughts and discussing solutions. Be sure to have your notes with you - don’t be afraid to tell the person you are going to refer your notes to be concise in your communication.
Finally, consider collaborating with your HR Business Partner. They can serve as an excellent sounding board, offering an impartial perspective. I always invite employees to consider setting up additional time with me to role-play their conversation as the final part of their preparation process.
I trust these steps will prove beneficial when you find yourself having to navigate challenging conversations. Keep in mind that approaching such situations with positive intent, professionalism, and a focus on solutions will foster more effective workplace communications.
